How to create positive relationships
Do you remember when you were a kid and you could just go round someone’s house and say “can Jamie (or insert other name) come out to play”? Friendships were so simple then. Finding friendships as an adult is a lot more complicated!
A few years ago I was listening to a Dr Chatterjee podcast about Blue Zones and the importance of a strong friendship network. In it Dan Buettner explained how having three close friends that you shared similar values, healthy habits and life goals with contributed to a happier, healthier and longer life. In Japan this is known as Moai.
I thought about it at the time and couldn’t think of three friends I could put in that category. I felt quite sad to not have those sort of friendships. Many friendships faded away due to them moving to another area, family or work commitments. Is this something that has happened to you?
I thought about the qualities of the friends I wanted to bring into my life and the qualities I wanted to develop in myself. But I had no clue where to start in finding friends.
As men it can be extremely hard to find and cultivate deep and meaningful relationships. We have never been taught or shown how to develop that. It is so easy for men to struggle with their own identity, never mind be able to connect, be open and vulnerable with others.
So many male relationships have been formed around drinking alcohol, going to or taking part in sporting activities, which often creates a superficial level of friendship and identity. It takes courage for men to be open and vulnerable and I applaud my friends Anthony Mullaly and Rory Green for the work they do around masculinity and mental health respectively (see links at the bottom of this post for their website and YouTube channel.)
I know looking at my values, habits and life goals changed my life immeasurably. By looking at my values and how I want to show up in friendships it has brought some extraordinary people into my life. Maybe now I can say I have three really close friends and a handful of people who aren’t that far off, all of whom I know would support me if needed.
In my book “Beets, Thyme and Love” I get readers to look at their values and goals so they create their own mission statement. I really believe focusing in on that area can have a massive impact on all areas of your life. Is this an area you would want more information on? I plan on doing more work around treating a life of values and purpose so make sure you are subscribed to my newsletter for updates
